


In A Manner of Speaking

by onetiredboy



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Canon-typical peril, Kind of Canon Compliant, M/M, dirk is just LONELY and makes MISTAKES, dirk is so stupid and gay and todd is so anxious and bisexual, dirk saves todd, look - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:07:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21741943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onetiredboy/pseuds/onetiredboy
Summary: “Huh,” Amanda leans back in the couch again and nods slowly, mulling it over in her head. Then her eyes narrow, “Are you… interested in Todd? ‘Cause that would explain a lot, actually.”--A scene that wasn't on-screen but I believe COULD have happened, which would be the first step in the eventual getting together of Todd and Dirk, and maybe the moment that brought Todd's ongoing bisexual crisis briefly to the forefront of his mind.
Relationships: Amanda Brotzman & Dirk Gently, Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 6
Kudos: 90





	In A Manner of Speaking

**Author's Note:**

> ok look @ everyone who follows me for penumbra dont worry ill be back on my penumbra bullshit soon enough, i just re-binged all of s1 of dirk gently's holistic detective agency in one night and remembered how much i love dirk.

Dirk Gently is _not_ a psychic.

He does, though, get intuitions about things. Mainly emotionally based intuitions of the not-very-certain kind, that mostly serve to put him in awful situations and make them worse at alarming speeds like some kind of bad-news catalyst.

The problem with having emotionally based intuitions is that Dirk Gently is also a human being who has, well, emotions. Which is to say that occasionally he gets a twinge in his gut, follows his instinct with little more than a second thought, and finds himself in an _even worse_ situation that he becomes aware isn’t what is meant to happen at all.

See, the thing is, he knows how he feels about Todd. He’s his best friend after all! Or, fated to be his best friend, or something? Dirk isn’t sure on that part yet, but he can’t wait to find out. Anyway, Todd is his best friend, except for that Dirk has never had a best friend before and is so excited to have one that he’s worried he may have overshot the boundary a little bit and found himself with just a teensy bit of a crush on him maybe.

This is the problem. Because _now_ , every time they’re together on a mission, Dirk gets oodles of intuitions about inching closer, about the way Todd feels about him (which, by the way, seems to change every five minutes. Todd is a very confusing man). And Dirk isn’t quite sure whether these intuitions are real universal hints or his own emotions, and he may not know much but he does know that this is not the kind of thing he should take a gamble about.

“Dirk.”

Plus, Todd’s got his eyes on Farah, Dirk knows that, so really, his chances are slim to none.

“Dirk?”

That’s saying that even if Todd _didn’t_ have his eyes on Farah that he’d be interested at all, which relies on both Todd being gay or bisexual or whatever _and_ on not being repulsed by, you know, Dirk in general, which seems equally unlikely.

 _“Dirk?_ ”

Dirk stops in his tracks and looks over at Amanda, “Hello!”

She rolls her eyes at him, her jacket falling off one shoulder, and pats the half-ruined couch beside her, “Sit down? Before you wear a hole in the floor with your pacing.”

“Ooh! That can actually happen?” Dirk sits down next to Amanda and bounces on the couch a little bit. Some stuffing oozes out of a rip and Dirk stops. No need to make the damage worse. He glances around the room and then frowns, “Where are Todd and Farah? Have they been kidnapped again?”

“They went to get takeout—were you seriously not listening? Farah said we needed to eat before we investigate that map to Spring’s energy-machine-thingy, and Todd went with her because he’s stupid and thinks she’s interested,” Amanda flops back on the couch with a loud groan, “Love. It’s so _stupid_.”

“You think he loves her?” Dirk asks, as sneakily casually as he can.

“Of course not. It’s not that simple to fall in love, you know. But he probably thinks he could, which is dumb,” she says. Then she sits back up. She eyes Dirk over with a look. “Do you have a girlfriend?” she asks, and then, “Have you… _ever_ had a girlfriend?”

Dirk shrugs a shoulder and tries to assemble himself into a look of put-togetherness and superiority (which, he has a sinking feeling, just makes him look more like an anxious wreck), “No,” he says, “But only because I’ve never been interested in a girl before.”

“Ah,” Amanda says, “Boyfriend, then?”

Dirk looks away, “It’s taken me this long to have a _friend_ , Amanda. I’ve never dated anyone.”

“But have you been interested in them? Boys, I mean,” Amanda says, and then, after a moment more of his silence, she sighs, throwing her hands out, “You’ve got to give me something to work with, Dirk! I’m _trying_ to get to know you. I want to know about your life! And that’s, like, the first step in being friends.”

The last line of her speech tempts him. Dirk is vaguely aware that he’s probably just being manipulated to share gossip so that Amanda is entertained. But then, who’s he to say that that isn’t what being friends is for?

He looks back at her, “Yes, fine, yes.”

“Huh,” Amanda leans back in the couch again and nods slowly, mulling it over in her head. Then her eyes narrow, “Are you… interested in Todd? ‘Cause that would explain a lot, actually.”

A vehement denial had been building in Dirk’s throat, but it dies suddenly. He hesitates, then glances at her, “What… exactly would it explain?”

“The way you insist on being with him, like, all the time. The way you seem so desperate to have him around and have him like you, the way you look at him when he gets excited about solving something—wow, you’re, like, super into my brother, aren’t you?”

Dirk stares at her for a long time. Then he groans, putting his head in his hands, “Is it _that_ obvious?”

“Huh,” Amanda says again, “Wild. Good luck with that.”

“Thank you,” Dirk mutters sarcastically, “I’m _well_ aware of how pointless it is to have any kind of hope.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Amanda shrugs a shoulder, “I’ve never known about Todd. I wouldn’t rule it out, you know. If he ever gets over Farah.”

And then she yawns and gets off the couch to go get a glass of water, as if she hasn’t just completely shattered Dirk’s understanding of literally everything.

\---

Todd and Farah come back with food and then Todd and Farah and Dirk go out to explore the abandoned entrance to the underground tunnels that should lead them to Spring’s Unlimited Energy Machine.

To make a long story short, Dirk gets trapped in an underground death maze and Todd comes hurtling in after him. You know. The usual stuff.

“If we don’t get out of here and something happens to Amanda,” Todd is saying, “It’s on _your_ head, Dirk.”

Dirk hums happily to himself. Todd’s threats are almost becoming kind of endearing. It’s kind of like a couple thing they do.

“Are you _even_ listening to me?” Todd hisses, and then puts his hands to his head, “What am I saying, of course you’re not. I’m trapped down here with a British nutjob who lured me in—”

“I hardly asked you to follow me down here, you know,” Dirk reminds him, “You did all that bit on yourself. Really, I’m quite flattered—”

“Oh, fuck,” Todd says.

Dirk turns around, surprised, and sees Todd looking at the roof. It takes him a second longer to see the spikes. “Oh, fuck,” he agrees.

They’ve already made it through the lightbulb room, and five other puzzles after that, but this room had seemed empty enough for them to catch their breath in. Dirk screams when the spikes suddenly launch forward and then halt again, crunching to a stop just above their heads.

“Okay,” Todd says, his hands in the air like the spikes have drawn guns, “Do we have time to make it to the door?”

“Not if they drop again,” Dirk glances from one side of the room to the other, “I don’t think they could kill us straight away. But they could definitely pin us here until we bleed out, which happens to be my third biggest fear.”

“What’s your—nope,” Todd cuts himself off suddenly, “Not asking. Don’t care. Let’s try and ease towards the door.”

“Rejection,” Dirk answers his question anyway, helpfully, as he shuffles across the dirt towards the door, “And horses. Bloody awful things, horses. You know they have teeth larger than their brains? I couldn’t trust anything with proportions like that.”

“Trusting yourself must be a struggle, then,” Todd mumbles.

“Not really,” Dirk says, sincerely. Todd makes a frustrated sound.

The next couple of seconds happens fast. Todd glances up at the spikes and they suddenly make a crunching sound again. Dirk hears someone scream that _must_ have been Todd, he could never make a sound that high-pitched, and then feels dirt and skin and gravel scratch at him through his trousers. An ache blooms in the centre of his chest, but the world is moving too fast for him to properly even understand why.

When the dust settles, the door behind them has slammed shut. On the ground, covered in dirt, is Todd. On his arms over him is Dirk, breathing fast and with a suspicion that there are a few scratches in the back of his jacket, “Are you alright?” he asks.

“Alright? Dirk—you,” Todd tries to sit up, which only functions to bring his chest closer to Dirk’s, “Holy shit! I’ve never seen anyone move that fast! You just saved my life.”

Dirk smiles, “Well, yes—”

“Is that part of your CIA training stuff, too? Superhuman speed, or something?”

Dirk frowns, “Well, no—”

“Never mind that—you saved my life, Dirk! I thought I was gonna die, God,” Todd laughs, leaning his head back on the ground, “I’m so relieved, I could kiss you.”

And Dirk has an intuition then, he’s certain of it – because he can basically already see it happening in his mind, and the strongest intuitions always end up being visual. So he does kiss him.

Todd pushes Dirk back so violently he almost goes flying, “You just kissed me!”

“No I didn’t,” Dirk says, and then adds, very quickly, “The Universe told me to!”

“What—what—that—” Todd sits himself up and stutters over his words for a moment longer, “The fuck does that _even_ mean, Dirk? Why did you kiss me?”

“Why? _You_ said you could—”

“Jesus Christ, Dirk, that’s a figure of speech! God, I—” Todd puts one hand to his head, then shakes it, “You know what? Of course you took it literally. That one’s on me. It’s fine.”

It wasn’t a strong intuition, Dirk realises, seeing Todd kissing him in his mind’s eye, it was a fantasy. “Oh, bloody hell,” Dirk says. He feels his stomach drop right out of him, “Todd, I—”

“Nope! Not having this conversation,” Todd pulls himself to his feet, “We have more puzzle rooms to solve, by the look of it.”

Dirk scrambles to his feet, “I’m very sorry—”

“It was a misunderstanding,” Todd sounds exhausted right to his core, his voice sounding like a toy with its battery dying, “Let’s just move on, Dirk.”

Dirk follows behind Todd like a wounded animal. He’s certain this is the end of it – Dirk’s attempt at charm, which comes off a lot more like annoying-younger-sibling a lot of the time, had already pushed Todd away enough, and now they were going to get out of these tunnels and Todd was never going to be able to look at Dirk again. Rejection. In this moment, Dirk would prefer to be a horse dentist.

“What do you think of this room?” Todd asks, and Dirk realises he’s stopped. He stops as well and glances around.

Todd gives him a look, and then he sighs, “Dirk. I said it was fine, alright? That wasn’t even—” he pauses and then shrugs, “That wasn’t even the worst kiss I’ve had. I’ve been _way_ lower than this in my life.”

Dirk inflates like a balloon hooked up to a torture machine, going from flat to bursting in point two seconds, “Really!?” he asks, then, without waiting for Todd to continue, “Well. It wasn’t the worst I could’ve imagined for a first kiss, I suppose. Even if it was with you.”

He walks past Todd into the next room, a skip in his step.

“Wait. Your first—Okay, now you’re kidding with me,” Todd says from behind him. Then, after a moment’s pause, “Hey, what do you mean _even if it was with me_?”

“No time to waste! We’ve got to get these puzzles solved!” Dirk calls over his shoulder.

“You’re right,” says Todd, and brushes past him, “We’re getting these done and going home.”

“Hey—wait, be careful!” Dirk calls after him, and despite his height, he has to walk fast to try and catch up to him. He supposes he’ll feel the excitement and warmth that’s buzzing under his skin stronger later, when he’s less—

“Aah! Dirk! This room has bees!”

“Oh, bloody hell! Hold on!”

– something.


End file.
